To Be
From the desk of your latest IJGB. (I dont want to hear anything contrary, na me know wetin I see for where I go)
5/12/2025
It's the eve of my bar finals first paper, and I'm reluctant to get up from bed.
Okay, the truth is that , maybe I am scared.
My strong-headed odeishi seems to be failing me last minute, regardless I have to get up, I have to get the day started because whether I like it or not the day will pass.
One recurring element in the Nigerian law school is the dramatic taste for everything happening. Why was our exam number changed last minute? Why are we being made to run all around in the evening before our first exam, looking for our new exam hall last minute? Tbh, can we skip to the end please?
So, I will be ending my law school journey in the very hall where it began 9 months ago
Shall we?
9/12/25
Ddddrrrrrraaaaaammmmaaaa
Guess who passed out after writing her first theory exam?
This Writer did. (Shys away in embarrassment)
In my 23 years on earth, the concept of fainting or passing out always seemed foreign to me, but law school said "Hold my mic"
I thought I had my anxiety and panic attack under control but jokes on me, my pretty face hitting the sands of Agudama-Epie, Bayelsa state will testify otherwise. (I swear I'm not the drama, drama just seems to like to make me a headline.)
Anyways enough chitchat, no time to dilly dally, let me get back to my books, I have another paper to prepare for.
The last few days happened in a blur. Concluded my bar finals, packed up my whole luggage and flew back home. That's it.
It all feels strange though.
Like it's all over. For real?
15th/12/2025
My mother's face melted as she saw mine. I could see her face light up, "Agbeke", as she said my oriki my heart churned. I rushed towards her and wrapped my arms around her in a warm embrace.
"Now, I'm home,” I Said
17th/11/2025
One thing I was worried about before coming back to Lagos was that it might take a while before I get used to the busy Lagos vibe again.
However, as the keke I was in sped up, narrowly avoiding a crash with a korope, with the two drivers cursing out to each other, everything felt just right.
Except for a few new buildings that seem to have sprung up, everything looks just the same. It's like I never left.
For a moment, I wondered
"Did the past 9 months even happen?"
"After law school, it will take a while for you to reset your sleeping pattern. "
"You will find it hard to sleep for a few months after law school. "
I heard these words so often and I prepared for it. I had such a terribly sleeping pattern and slept for barely 3 hours a day, so I knew it might take my body a while to catch up and I prepared my mind for it. (This is not a pattern worth emulating guys.)
Alas, my body didn't seem to get the "struggle to sleep" memo. I've been at home for over a week and all I've done is sleep. I have slept in every corner of this room, the one time I went out and stayed out late, I was already falling asleep on the public transport.
I also thought after months of meticulously planning and scheduling every aspect of my life down to the time I eat, a part of me hoped, it would have become a habit.
"Oh my Opponent, you have been deceived."
Procrastination looks me in the face and laughs, as every day I keep postponing every plan I make. My bags remain unpacked in the corner of the room, my mother’s constant sighs reminding me of this and I mumble to myself, "I will do it tomorrow."
Regarding the issue of unpacking, a part of me worries that perhaps it’s not that easy to unpack 9 months of your life. But deep down I know I have no sentimental reason for not unpacking, I'm just being lazy. Procrastination wins today and I will do it tomorrow. (Whatever day tomorrow is.)
In conclusion, it does feel good not to be pressured to get your life in order, it feels good “To just Be”.
Sometimes I see myself back in the corridor of my hostel in Yenogoa; sometimes, I can smell the pungent air and my hands can almost touch the ashy walls. But the moment I shake my head and I'm back in my bedroom, my little sister yapping about something I don’t understand but I don’t mind and I’m listening anyway.
Some days, I'm with my best friend and we are watching movies in silence or rapidly exchanging law school gossip and giving each other full descriptions of our ordeals. And I can’t help but smile because this is exactly how I’ve imagined it for so long.
On some other days, I’m in the studio, my legs aching after standing for so long during a photography session but I really won't have it any other way.
31st/12/25
It's 8.00 pm on the last day of the year, and the thunderous sound of fireworks is resounding in the background as I hastily try to conclude the last newsletter of the year. Procrastination and laziness have brought me so far. It's all quiet in the house at the moment but I know soon enough the door will burst open announcing the arrival of my boisterous family members.
2025 is a year I'm going to keep coming back to. It is one for the books. So no, I don't have an elaborate conclusion to this one. I spent the past 48 hours going through all the newsletters I publishedthis year and I realised, I shared this year with you all. You guys went through this journey with me.
So the first time in a long time, I have nothing to say.
For the first time in a while, I don't have an elaborate plan for the New Year. I have some expectations and loads of hope of course. (Okay, don't get me wrong)
I do have some boxes I would like to tick in the new year. But I'm just going to go with vibes and prayers. (Maybe not my best idea but for real, who do you think I am ?)
I spent most of this year hounded by loads of anxiety and worries.
I'm not about to enter the new year with that vibe.
It’s clean slate time baby!
Sorry, but I'm spent, I have nothing profound to say.
Like I always say I have no motivation to give, I am just here to let out the chaos.
If you want a bit of motivation, maybe check last year’s end-of-the-year newsletter.
Tonight I'm just going to hang out with my family, laugh, joke, talk and catch up. (and maybe move my feet to cool music, and try to catch up on understanding numerous memes I missed while I was offline.)
Tonight, I'm just going “To Be".
Happy New Year
-The Chaotic Overthinker🌹