Is the cup half full or half empty?

It doesn't matter if the glass is half full or half empty, be thankful you have a glass and there's something in it.

Last year, a few days before my final exams, My best friend and I sat down on our beds worrying and thinking about what we were going to do with our gap year. At that point, we felt everyone had a plan already and we were still rolling on vibes. I remember that day ended with us wetting our bed sheets with our salty tears and proceeded to make jest of each other after. I was so anxious about 2024; well, look at it. The year is almost over.

What was all the worry and anxiety for?

At the beginning of the year, my boss told me I needed to put myself out there more.

I told myself and members of the public (I'm referring to my Whatsapp status viewers in this instance) that I was going to be out more and promote all three activities I was involved in a lot more. I can clearly remember the words I used to be “I'm going to be in your face more."

Somewhere along the line as the months went by, I closed off my lip care business before the first half of the year. Sometimes later, my boss mentioned how little I put myself out publicly as a photographer and with regards to writing, y'all know how that one is going.

It's a few hours to the new year and I still don't have a complete draft for the last newsletter of the year. There have been all shades of inconsistency this year, but "procrastination" and I are yet to miss a bit. What can I say, the fact that I still get the job done is why I still do it. (I mean why else would I start writing my first draft for the month by 2.25 am on the 31st) My editor is probably regretting his actions. (I'm not gonna lie. This is his fault, I mean, why did he make me too comfortable? ) (Forgive me, comrade, I do not mean these words. Who the heck typed this.)

What a year it has been. I entered this year with just fear and faith. To be honest, I had no long-term plan at the beginning of the year. I was panicking all through the first half of the year. The question "What am I going to do with a gap year ?" Kept me on my toes.

When I heard the news of a backlog set for Law school in the first half of the year. At first, I didn't take it seriously because I thought it didn't concern my graduating set. As I got more information, I realized that this is it. Law school, I could go. I said to myself, maybe this is the purpose of this year, maybe I need not take a gap year after all.
For the first time in a while, I didn't seek out advice. Normally, I would have started spiralling and reaching out to everyone and anyone to make that decision for me. "To go or to continue my bland gap year?" I know reaching out to family members would have a lot of them edging me on. "Go now, it's not like you have anything to do with all that time."

So I sat down back and made a big girl's decision. (This adulthood thing stresses me out fr; I just want to be a baby girl.) I just came out of the trenches of the university. 5 plus years of going to classes, receiving lectures, burying my head in a book, pretending I cared about whatever the lecturer was saying. 5 years of writing exams back to back with little to no breaks in between. (Except during the pandemic sha, and we all agreed that was a glitch in the matrix. May the souls of those we lost during that time be granted ease.)

I wasn't ready to throw myself back into that chaos. No matter how worried I was about wasting a full year at home, I just wasn't ready. So I said, "No, I wasn't going to law school yet; that's a move to be played in 2025. (I mean, before the backlog news broke out, I already made peace with that fact.)

As the Lord would have it, while the preparation for law school was ongoing, Lagos State University announced the date for my convocation. So all energy was directed to that. (When I say energy, I'm referring to the fact that I was taking convocation photoshoot jobs.) I died down the whole conversation of my parent coming to school and partying. I wasn't just down for all that stress. If you're familiar with the way Nigerians like to go all out for the smallest celebrations, you would know why I said no, plus the economy is not even smiling sef, so why go through all that stress? "We will do everything together when I'm called to the bar." I told my parents. ( I might still cook up an excuse to prevent them from taking our whole family to Abuja but when the time comes.)

By the time the convocation frenzy died down. The backlog set were already preparing to leave. By the time they eventually left for law school, the amount of people who went for it shook me a bit. At that point, I wondered "Am I being left behind again?"

Luckily, my close group of friends didn't go either. On hearing everyone's reasons, it was easier to comfort myself with the decision I made.

Not so long after that, I got an internship, and all was well with the world again. Did I forget to mention that all through the beginning of the year, I kept sending applications for internships? I was plagued with the sentence "Unfortunately, we're not taking interns at this time" so often that my vigour in sending applications started to reduce. I saw pictures of my former coursemates snapping pictures in front of various firm signs, and I kept wondering why I couldn't have that too. I remember breaking down in the studio one time and my boss had to talk me out of it.
My internship offer came from a place I didn't even expect. I remember I was so sceptical about sending in an application, but my little sister edged me on, saying, "What's the harm in applying? If you don't get it, at least you tried."
After applying, I didn't really put my mind to it because I didn't want to feel disappointed. Needless to say, I got the job and it was fully remote. Yes, I worked from the comfort of my bedroom throughout my internship. Although becoming a working-class babe came with its own drama, I spoke about it in this newsletter.

The Lord knew my lazy ass couldn't handle a full-time internship and gave me one which paid well and I could do from my comfort zone. (Look at me rambling about my 2024 trials. No vex, let me make a U-turn back to the newsletter.)

I heard the sentence "Look at the cup half full instead of half empty" recently, and it really resonated with me.
If you keep seeing the world through a glass half empty, you will never take time to appreciate what you have at the moment, what you have accomplished, and how far you have gone. Even if it's the little things, if not by the time you realize, you might have accomplished a lot but because you didn't take time to enjoy the moment, it ends up feeling like nothing. If you keep thinking about what you didn't achieve, you will end up dismissing your accomplishments. And in the end, nothing would ever be enough.

Throughout the first half of the year, I kept complaining about what I did not have and what I'm yet to accomplish. I forgot the fact that I was learning how to render service (photography) in a marvellous environment. I didn't realize how wonderful it was to work with people who were always eager to help me out when needed and a boss who looked out for me so often. I was in so much despair about staying at home for a full year and refused to acknowledge how much I needed the rest. I sulked about not having enough photography clients forgetting how much my skills in the craft improved throughout the year. I whined about the little hiccups during the internship instead of being grateful I didn't have to wake up early to board a bus to the other end of Lagos. I complained about how long it's taking me to finish a book instead of coming to terms with the fact that I'm no longer in a reading slump.

We walk through life a lot of time, forgetting to savour/ appreciate what we have before us. There's always going to be a problem that needs solving, there's always going to be something that needs your attention.
Like Nigerians always say "Problem no dey finish."

The best thing to do is to keep your feet grounded. Let your mind be where your feet are. (I know this is rich coming from an Overthinker.) But to be honest, if you worry so much about the future that is not in your hands, you tend to miss the present.

Look at the cup half full. Appreciate what's before you.

I know it's quite hard, with the economy spiralling and the national grid frequently falling like it's made of plywood. Don't forget that you made it through regardless. It's okay to count your losses for the year, but don't forget your wins, too. No matter how little they are. "You did that."

Don't dismiss them as insignificant.

See the glass half full.

Thank you for sticking with me throughout this rollercoaster of a year. (And yeah, you can take this little rant as motivation. At least the last half of it. Don't say I didn't do anything for you ooo)

I'll be in your mails again next year.....
..... Maybe not, you'll see.
(Winks expeditiously)

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